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Survivor: The Official Soundtrack (TVT)

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To paraphrase everybody's favorite cuddly homophobe, 72-year-old Survivor contestant Rudy, the soundtrack to the top-rated reality program on which he starred is queer, but not in a homosexual kind of way. It's just plain odd that there's a market for this half-baked collection of wanna-be world beat, all of which sounds numbingly identical to the show's theme, "Ancient Voices." Titles to some of the songs suggest the deceptive tendencies of the dastardly Tagi Alliance. For example, "The Strong Will Survive" contradicts the fact that it was actually a fat and frequently naked guy who did so. Without the visual stimulation of Pulau Tiga and its intriguing residents to accompany them, these percussive tunes wear out their welcome quicker than Susan's grating accent. For this great transgression against listeners, composers/producers Russ Landau and David Vanacore should be voted out of the music industry. Forget Dirk's Bible, Rudy -- wipe with this.

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