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Steal This Name

We drag the river for stuff you didn't know you were missing.

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Hip-hop MC Priceless Diamonds describes herself as a "boss bitch" who grew up boosting clothes and turning the occasional trick. She's no angel, but she's got advice. So listen up, y'all.

The Star says south Overland Park is Kansas City's best suburb. What suburb would you pick?

I'd choose Mission Hills. I want that huge Helzberg Diamonds estate. It's old, dusty money over there. I would love for my kids to get up in their school, Shawnee Mission East, and add some flavas to they neighbors. I know little white girls will be calling for my boys all hours of the night. Hopefully, she's a young heiress.

But being I'm so down-to-earth, I'd probably just cop a crib on Ward Parkway or Brookside and keep it 'hood.

For all of those wanna-be boss bitches out there, what should women know about car maintenance? Should they service their own rides?

Always take a man with you to have your back if you can. If no man is available, the main thing you need is to keep your warranty.

You should definitely know how to change a tire. If a woman can have a baby, she can change a tire. I caught a flat on 29 North and changed the tire. I was with one of my homegirls. She was some help. A little. My motivation was, I knew 5-0 would be more than willing to help two gorgeous girls with a flat, but they'd see my expired tags. I was done in 15 minutes. I felt so dirty afterward, but it wasn't as hard as I thought.

Oh, and make sure to keep all your fluids right. Check 'em twice a month.

Got a question only Priceless can answer? E-mail her at boss.bitch@pitch.com.

Steal This Name

Anarchists are nothing if not democratic. So when organizers proposed reinventing the defunct anarchists' bookstore called the Crossroads Infoshop, they agreed to solicit ideas for a new name.

You may recall that anarchy hit a little too close to home for the store back in July, when it couldn't pay its rent and closed. Now, the plan to reincarnate the bookstore includes adding a coffee shop and space for events. Ideas batted around for the store's new name: "New Borders Bookstore," "Heartland Infoshop" or, yuck, "Infoheart."

We think they could do better. Here are some suggestions to make the new locale a big hit among young leftist kids still in their anarchy phase:

· Dr. Bud Dankenstein's Free

Pot Emporium

· Green Party Central

· IHIP: International House of

Irresponsible Politics

· The Leaderless Murky Ball of Ire and

Coffeehaus

· Steal This Bookstore

· The Che Guevara Wax Museum

· 24-Hour Noam Chomsky Worship Station

Skin Wars

Cross-state rivalry has reached a new level: near-nudie calendars. This year, University of Missouri-Columbia junior business major Tom Houlehan put up his own dough to print "Girls of MU," a swimsuit calendar to compete with the Miller Lite-sponsored "Women of KU" spread, which has hung in University of Kansas bathrooms for years.

To see how the upstart compares with its beer-funded rival, we headed to Bazooka's Showgirls. The downtown Kansas City strip joint has staked its reputation on judging women's assets, and we found two employees willing to pick which calendar might better raise, um, school pride.

Pitch: Who would turn more heads on campus?

Brain Wagner, video manager: "These are actually girls from MU? These are almost provocative poses! Does that say dorm life to you? We could sell these!" (Advantage: MU)

Pitch: Who seems like more fun during study hall?

Keith Adkins, bouncer: "Look, the MU girl has dreamy eyes. That's how they get you to take the credit card out. The KU girl doesn't have the fake toenails, the fake fingernails. That means it's not about the game." (Tie)

Pitch: Who's most likely destined for the Fortune 500?

Wagner: "KU seems to have taken the high road on the cleavage shots. If you wanted to staff a Fortune 500 company, go to KU. You want to staff a Hooters, I'd go to Columbia." (Advantage: KU)

Pitch: Who seems more likely to work the strip-club circuit?

Adkins: "The MU girls, they've got the nice body and dreamy eyes but look like the kind that would sit back and do nothing and then complain she's not making a lot of money. Those KU girls look like the everyday girl next door. That's the girl who actually makes the money. Why? Because she'll work for it. She wouldn't sit back and complain about not getting tips. She would be a couch dancing queen. All friction."

Wagner: "That's PP: pole potential!" (Advantage: KU)

Final Score: MU 1, KU 2. Looks like the rock-chalk women have bragging rights this year.

Cry-o-Meter
Potential for tears:

10 out of 10

No need for a rain dance outside Arrowhead on Sunday. Under any scenario, the emotionally delicate Dick Vermeil is gonna bawl like an orphan with a toothache. The forecast calls for flash flooding if Larry "Diaper Dandy" Johnson carries KC to the playoffs. If not, it's been moist, coach.

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