What do you think of Johnson County District Attorney Paul Morrison challenging Phill Kline for the Kansas attorney general seat?
How is he going to switch from Republican to Democrat? That's playing two sides of the fence.
He is sexy I've seen him in court. He just don't play about crime. He don't give no leeway. He's a hardass on black people.
Way back in the day, I got in trouble for felony theft over in Johnson County. It got dropped to a misdemeanor, but still. They had me on 22-hour lockdown! I didn't kill nobody! It's like they're teaching us a lesson: Don't come over here committing crimes. The white people who get caught over there can pay to get out, but if you're black, you're stuck. Do you know what my bond was? $25,000. My brother came to get me. He said, "That shit is prejudiced. That ain't right."
I got caught at the Oak Park Mall Dillard's by their undercover detective. That was scary. He was this big, burly thing, and we was wrasslin' and he got his hand bloody against the doorway, and then they were talking about battery charges. But my sexy Italian lawyer got me out of that mess. I was there 30-some days. In there, they don't want to send you to the dentist. There's people in there with the worst toothaches.
Paul Morrison needs to be out in Los Angeles with his strict ways and sexy looks. Nothing happens out in Johnson County. When crime does come, he's smashin' it.
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Keep On Truckin'
In recent weeks, Casey Maddox has tried to lighten up the Plaza's Thomas Kinkadean art scene by parking his own creation in front of storefronts. It's a 1986 Chevy Astro van emblazoned with cartoonish hand-painted images of a penis, boobies and slogans such as "Juggs Rule."
Maddox, a recent transplant from St. Louis, says he was inspired to create his "Mustache Wagon" by artists there who use their cars as canvases. Recently, though, he's had close calls with Highwoods Properties' security force.
"I started getting hassled immediately," Maddox says. At first, he says, anonymous critics just left warning notes on his windshield. Then his brother, who works at Kona Grill, informed him that guards were going door-to-door to find him. Other service industrians (he's not naming names) seem to dig his cause and have warned him when officers might be staking out the van.
But Maddox is getting nervous because he doesn't exactly know his legal rights. So the Pitch has found him a legal mentor: Operation Rescue President Troy Newman, a Kansas anti-abortion zealot best-known for driving around in "Truth Trucks" vans plastered with images of bloody fetuses. We've seen 'em on the Plaza.
Newman boasts that his images function as monuments to an atrocity, like the Holocaust Museum. "We are pointing out a social injustice," he tells us.
Presented with Maddox's dilemma, Newman at first seems encouraging. He says he has held vehicular-type protests on the Plaza half a dozen times in the past three years without being hassled. He advises that one must stay true to one's cause.
"Sex is not bad inherently. It's what we do with it," he says in a further attempt to defend Maddox.
Then he seems to remember a talking point about how sexual objectification leads to exploitation, which leads to unwanted pregnancy. Newman starts backpedalling.
"It's the perversion of the male or female bodies that solicit or arouse a sexual response that I believe would be repulsive to most people in general and to Christian conservatives specifically. I think that's the definition of displaying pornography in public: displaying of material with intent to have sexual arousal."
That's not much help to Maddox. "I'm not trying to shock people," Maddox says. "I'm just trying to get people to lighten up."
At press time, both drivers remained at large.
Entourage, KC Style
Snoop Dogg and his soul plane better check themselves. Southwest Airlines has apparently become the chauffeur for Kansas City's best-known rapper, Tech N9ne. We recently spotted the spit boxer and his crew on a return flight from Phoenix, and Tech straight represented.
Tech and his entourage (a heavyset black man with a giant Afro and three or so white guys sporting spiked hair and striped shirts a sign that they may have latched on to Tech after recognizing him in the airport) settled into the back rows and were shouting for booze before the plane left the tarmac.
Tech seemed to be dressed incognito no red-spiked 'fro, just a black jersey and a pair of dark sunglasses but he and his homies shouted his name like it was the airline's motto. Some guys tried to order quickies from the flight attendants.
Two giggling women in their twenties said they didn't believe the rapper was who he claimed to be. Tech waited until the "fasten seatbelt" sign was turned off and stepped across the aisle to freestyle for them.
We weren't fast enough to record his rhymes, but we can say that the performance brought back memories of "Absolute Power," from Tech' 2002 album of that title, which debuted at number 79 on the Billboard album chart:
If you see them haters givin' me mugs
Ladies givin' me hugs
Know it ain't no rocket science it's because...
I'm a playa, I'm a playa
After the plane landed and the captain allowed electronic devices to be used, the playas flipped open their cell phones in unison.
"You missed it. We been partyin' on the plane!" someone shouted into a phone.
And Tech flew coach, paying a grip for sippy-cup sized mixed drinks.