OK, Really: NYE

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Need help deciding what to do this New Year's Eve weekend? Well, I know of a party, but it's a small thing, and they probably don't want a whole bunch of people they don't really know showing up, so, sorry, dude, but you're on your own.

Two! Thousand! Seven! Whoo!

You might just camp out at the Record Bar for the next couple of nights, actually. Tonight, the Roman Numerals and Stella Link play with the beloved Namelessnumberheadman, who are reportedly rolling out new songs. I predict there will be girls at this show. Saturday brings the Punk Rock Premature Ejaculation Festival, featuring the Pornhuskers, the All Sorts and Mi Corazon Negro. I predict that someone will "arrive early" at this show. And it might just be me.

Sunday, the rock creeps onward at the Brick, where Crazy Talk plays with the Last of the V8s. You should already know how I feel about those motherfuckers.

Now, you may have missed it, but two issues ago, we ran an excellent New Year's guide, written by our resident nightlife killa, Megan Metzger. Because it's not available online for whatever reason, I've posted it after le jump.

Party Like It's 3/17

KC may be a St. Patty's Day town. But it's time to embrace the midnight toast.

BY MEGAN METZGER

The end of 2006 is fast approaching, and much of Kansas City just doesn't give a toss. There aren't droves of us trekking to the Plaza on 12/31, risking hypothermia like New Yorkers do, just to watch some giant, sparkly ball drop from the top of, say, Pottery Barn.

Here in KC, we prefer to whoop it up on St. Pat's Day, a typically warmer, beer-soaked celebration with lively parades and the majority of us drunk off our asses before noon. Regardless of Kansas Citians' apathy for New Year's, several local venues host some premium NYE festivities. So we've culled together a few examples in the hopes you find a holiday happening tailor-made just for you.

For party monsters looking to get their motherfreakin' dance on, or those not satisfied by one measly glass of champagne

Raoul's Velvet Room (7222 W. 119th St.) is bringing two parties to the table: First, they have a swanky buffet complete with a tenderloin carving station, smoked salmon and our fave, shrimp cocktail. And whereas most clubs are just giving you one glass of the bubbly stuff tonight for the midnight toast, Raoul's dinner includes a whole bottle of Mumm's Cuvee sparkling wine. Now that's the VIP treatment. After dinner, work off all that tenderloin as Raoul's turns into a pulsing, sexy dance party. Premiere DJ Bobby Keys will work the wax all night long, spinning tasty rock and hip-hop jams.

For couples wanting a romantic overnight getaway without actually having to go anywhere, or the High-roller who's betting on a sure thing

It's a short, 40-minute ride to the Elms Resort & Spa (401 Regent St., Excelsior Springs), where packages start under $300. You get star treatment with a guest room, fancy dinner, live entertainment and brunch the next morning. Pamper you and your honey with the spa's massage and facial treatments; and if you're a real fat cat, impress her by booking the posh Jacuzzi suite. You are so getting lucky tonight.

For the angst-ridden, telekinetic teenager, or the blood and gore enthusiast

Late Night Theatre (1531 Grand) is showing a special 9:30 engagement of A Scary Carrie Christmas Carol, the adaptation of Stephen King's classic tale of bullied wallflower Carrie White. Pitch theatre critic Alan Scherstuhl calls it "all splatter-paint pleasure, as wild as a virgin birth and twice as bloody." A drag show featuring the cast immediately follows, and a dance party rounds out the evening. Carrie co-director Ron Megee is infamous for throwing decadent and memorable shindigs in his West Bottoms loft, so a party in his theatre will be anything but dull. LNT will also give its guests party favors and complimentary metal buckets filled with champagne. Sorry, no pigs blood.

For parents who couldn't get a babysitter, or families that actually enjoy spending time together

The Over the Top, Under the Clock festivities at Union Station (30 W. Pershing Road) are chock-filled with all kinds of fun things to do, so even kids with short attention spans won't be bored. Science City extends its hours tonight; there's a robot exhibit, a planetarium show and a Radio Disney DJ spinning kiddie-hits from the likes of Hannah Montana and Jesse McCartney. Grown-ups are treated to a bit of the bubbly and an opportunity to introduce their children to music made long before they were born when Beatles tribute band Liverpool takes to the stage.

For those of us always at the end of the bar anyway, or folks looking to mourning the passing of 2006

When we asked what Fin's Waldo Bar (7438 Wornall) had planned for New Year's, the bartender replied, "Oh, nothin' special." A quiet, seedy dive is just the ticket for those wishing it could just be any other day. There are some of us who are having a hard time saying goodbye to the year that brought us Vice President Cheney popping a cap in someone, the birth of TomKat's baby, the Republicans losing both chambers and Britney Spears kicking K-Fed (and her underpants) to the curb; and Fin's stupid-cheap drink prices will quickly ease the pain.

Thus ends Megan's report. Whatever you do, don't drive drunk (Yellow Taxi, at 816-471-5000, runs Holiday Cab this weekend -- up to $25 free travel time, from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m.) and don't hesitate to take your pants off if everyone else is doing it, too.

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