Van Damme marathon 'Van Dammage' comes to Alamo Drafthouse on Thursday

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Anybody with a TV or who has visited even slightly male-oriented websites in the past three weeks knows that action meat salad flick The Expendables 2 is opening in theaters this Friday. The film features nearly every major star of action films (and Old Spice commercials) in the last 25 years. Seriously. The film crams Chuck Norris, Dolph Lundgren, Sylvester Stalone, Jet Li, Arnold Schwarzenegger — whose character is named Trench! — and the Muscles from Brussels himself, Jean-Claude Van Damme.

The cast has dozens of campy, sweaty, hazy action films between them, their work begs for binge viewing. The Alamo Drafthouse downtown will fill that need on Thursday with a Van Damme marathon — Van Dammage — leading up to a 11 p.m. showing of Expendables 2. The lineup: 5:00 p.m.: Blood Sport, 6:45 p.m.: Hard Target, 8:45 p.m.: Universal Soldier. Tickets are $20.

Of course, because we live in the age of sequel fever, Expendables 2 producer Avi Lerner has announced a third film in the franchise, before the second one has even opened. And, as he explained here, he has big plans for recruiting more action stars for the third film, including Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, Nicolas Cage. We have some different suggestions with trailers after the jump.


Kurt Thomas: In the late 1970s and early 1980s, Thomas was a bona fide gymnastics celebrity while piling up medals at the Pan American Games and World Gymnastics Championships. In 1985, he starred in action flop Gymkata in which he played a gymnast that doubles as a government operative. It's time for Thomas to return to action stardom.

Lorenzo Lamas: Long before he launched a career in C-level reality television, '80s beefcake actor Lorenzo Lamas had a brilliant career in B action films. His two best works, hands-down, were Snake Eater and the War on Drugs propaganda piece Snake Eater II: The Drug Buster in which he played a cop named Soldier Kelly. The trailer for The Drug Buster's best line: "Soldier's on a mission, with a ghetto kid as a partner." Maybe the ghetto kid can be in Expendables 3, too.


Wesley Snipes: Expendables producer Lerner called this one himself, saying he wants Snipes to join the cast after he gets out of prison. He'll definitely need the money once he's out of the big house. And, this trailer for Future Sport clearly shows he can act. Actually, no. No, it doesn't. It just induces seizures.

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