Though this was an exaggeration — Sullivan hadn’t spoken directly to the governor — it was nothing uncommon or even especially critical in the joke-heavy Twitterverse. But it would not stand in Brownbackistan. Someone in the governor’s administration saw the tweet and blew the whistle on Sullivan to Youth in Government, which then alerted Shawnee Mission East principal Karl Krawitz. Krawitz, apparently believing that children should be seen and not heard, pronounced the school “embarrassed” and asked Sullivan to apologize to the bruised governor. Sullivan told The Washington Post that Krawitz gave her talking points for the proposed mea culpa. Meanwhile, news of Suckedgate spread, and Sullivan’s Twitter following ballooned with supporters.
The Shawnee Mission School District announced Monday that it wouldn’t require Sullivan to apologize, and by that afternoon, Brownback had issued his own apology to Sullivan. (The governor’s staff and Krawitz owe her a stack of Hallmark cards as well.) After this PR nightmare, Gov. Poutypants could use a pick-me-up, so we offer him a few apology tweets after the jump in lieu of Sullivan’s:
We’re sorry you made Kansas the first state without an arts program #heblowsalot
We’re sorry you were the only governor outside Texas to attend Rick Perry’s bigot convention in Houston #heblowsalot
We’re sorry you hired a state IT chief with a degree from a diploma mill #heblowsalot
We’re sorry he quit and then had to admit you hadn’t vetted him #heblowsalot
We’re sorry you’re actively trying to turn young minds off politics #heblowsalot
We’re sorry your staff had to work Thanksgiving weekend due to your getting butt-hurt over a tweet #heblowsalot
We’re sorry your budget had 1,000 state workers taking early buyouts while keeping someone on the payroll to monitor Twitter #heblowsalot
We’re sorry your social-media gestapo blew this completely out of proportion #heblowsalot
We’re sorry you don’t believe in protecting every citizen’s right to free speech #heblowsalot
We’re sorry your staff didn’t have better things to do than try to get a high-schooler in trouble #heblowsalot
We’re sorry you’re so sensitive to what teenage girls think of you #heblowsalot
We’re sorry your spokeswoman thought tattling about a tweet was “important” #heblowsalot
We’re sorry your actions will likely have a chilling effect on other young people #heblowsalot
Finally, we’re not sorry #heblowsalot will forever be associated with you on Twitter.