by Eric Barton
The Hill, a D.C. newspaper that usually covers Congress, announced its fourth-annual list of the “50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill.” The write-ups make for entertaining reading, thanks to The Hill’s vapid, breathless writing.
The hotness is broken down into a top 10, plus “40 more.” In case you care, “tall, dark and handsome” Indiana Rep. Brad Ellsworth took top honors. The paper's “Most Beautiful Office” (gag) award went to Rep. Mary Bono’s whitebread (and one Hispanic) group.
I scoured the list to see if anyone from here is on it. Sure enough, we Midwesterners are pretty, too! Not top-10 pretty, but at least runner-up attractive.
Check out 25-year-old Joplin native Joelle Cannon, a Missouri State alumna and former Roy Blunt staffer. We learn that she has bad luck with cars.
Then there’s 29-year-old Lea Stueve, who hails from Olpe, Kansas. She has a “1000-watt smile” and works for Kansas Rep. Jerry Moran.
Last on the list is someone who’s familiar with being a runner-up: 24-year-old Sarah Barfield, a twice-failed Miss Missouri USA contestant and a Miss (insert random Illinois county here).
As for the rest of the list, among the pictures of power-suited duders and chickies clad in their Talbots best are awesome cheesoid lines, including:
As for Popps, he isn’t picky. “I like them all, from the cougars to the kittens,” he says, flashing a grin.
The fit, full-lipped Aquarius is not just a mountain man.
When dining at a nice restaurant, Ashley Futrell never would leave her napkin on the table. Ever.
He’s a Pisces, but doesn’t follow astrology.
She must be single by choice, with her all-American good looks and her good-natured charm.
And the best line in the piece:
Michael Ortiz: Press aide to Sen. Obama. Ortiz refused to be interviewed for this story.
-- Jen Chen