5. All our Craigslist missed connections. They aren't at Walmart, as a recent survey in Missouri suggests. No, a big hole in the ground is the real reason that people who connected so deeply at first sight have failed to get together.
4. Burlesque dancers. Burlesque dancers haven't had to perform underground for some time. Or have they?
3. Graboids: the sandworms from Tremors. There are a lot of tunnels beneath Kansas City. It stands to reason that something other than dormant trolleys is running along those underground lines.
2. Clay Chastain. He doesn't live in Virginia. He monitors Kansas City's streetcar plans from a substation just beneath the downtown loop. The machine that he believes is emitting a distress call is simply a smoke alarm beeping because its battery needs to be replaced.
1. A dog. Some pooch bent on a get-rich-quick scheme will see what happened to Lindey, the German shepherd, and think that this is his chance at a payday. And we, Kansas City, will very likely fall for it.
What do you think is in the downtown sinkhole?