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Adore

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Adore, according to the movie's press materials, is "an unpredictable tale of misguided love and a heartfelt celebration of the enduring nature of female friendship," but you know it as the one where Naomi Watts and Robin Wright play bikini moms who fuck each other's shirtless sons.

Called Two Mothers when it started making this year's festival rounds, it's based on the Doris Lessing story "The Grandmothers" (scripted here by Christopher Hampton for Coco Before Chanel director Anne Fontaine), a title that suggests just how long we're going to spend with Roz (Wright) and Lil (Watts) as they negotiate forbidden lust on an unnamed Australian coast. Except it's not actually all that forbidden. After a couple of the usual "No, no, you mustn't, we mustn't — wait, you're not wearing underwear?" encounters, everybody gets comfortable, and you wonder what could possibly fill the next hour and forever. Always there is the sea, always the sky and the beach, rarely Wright's accent. No one does much except sigh at the scenery and the sex and share a few Sapphic giggle fits and wave goodbye to sad jilted Ben Mendelsohn. Bye, only deep character, bye.

Usually someone in a story like this dies, so that we may be reminded that with great fucking comes great responsibility. Maybe one of the interchangeably hot young guys (Xavier Samuel, James Frecheville) contracts pec cancer? No. It spoils none of the movie's tepid goings-on to reveal that everybody makes it through to the end, though at the emotional expense of various age-appropriate life partners. RIYL: General Foods International coffees.

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